someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
