I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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