So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
