Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
