I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize