Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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