forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize