I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
