I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
