The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Randomize
