That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
