Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
two words...techno handjob
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
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