i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Randomize
