If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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