69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
