I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
