you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
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