She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
