you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
