I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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