I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
