I think I am morally bankrupt
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
