Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
