ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
My cat gives me a boner
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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