Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
