Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Randomize
