nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
