i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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