the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
