she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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