I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
