Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Randomize
