you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Vodka?
Forever.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
