tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
