Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Randomize
