toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
