I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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