Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
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