Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
