In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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