I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
they need to just BURY HIM!
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
