Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
