He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
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