There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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