thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
