If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
