Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Enjoy the penises
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
