have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Even the bartender felt bad for me
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
