even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
