You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
