I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
