theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
