I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize
