Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
