"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
