Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Randomize
