Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
