If that was your dad, he is hot
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
