she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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