yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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