My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Randomize
