my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
