When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Randomize
