Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
