never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
