dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Randomize
