You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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