It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
