operation harelip BJ is a go
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
