who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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