I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
