Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
