Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
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