I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Randomize
