so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Randomize
