I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
